Six weeks before Justin’s extramarital affair began, God provided an opportunity for Justin to confide in a friend; to admit the sexual sin that had been living in his heart. He chose not to have that conversation. His thought process was:
- If I share my struggles it will cost me my reputation
- If I share my struggles it could cost me my church
- If I share my struggles it could cost me my ministry career
Six weeks later, the affair began and it cost Justin his reputation, church and ministry.
What we’ve realized is that there are not many conversations happening in church leadership circles regarding marital and sexual issues. There are sermons preached, but not honest dialogue. Because of that, many pastors have lost hope that they can ever share their struggles with anyone.
One of our passions at RefineOurMarriage is to provide environments for pastors and their spouses to have safe, honest, transparent conversations about their marriage, their sexual struggles and hidden sin, before they have destroyed their marriage and lost their ministry.
We do this in three primary environments:
1. Church Planter’s/Pastor’s Round Table
We often partner with church planting organizations, denominations and para-church organizations. The format is designed to create a frank and open discussion about issues that pastors have historically avoided because of fear or shame. We then outline a plan for the pastor and spouse to start the healing process as well as implement steps to bring their marriage to a healthy place.
2. Church Leadership Conferences
We partner with church conferences to speak into the hearts of church leaders about the dangers of hiding struggles with pornography, unconfessed lust toward people in their congregation, and a deteriorating marriage. We share our story of failure, pain and loss and outline steps to take to avoid marital implosion, ministry burnout and moral compromise.
3. OneDays
OneDays are limited to 3-5 pastors and their spouses per year. The format is very simple: the pastor and his spouse spend the entire day with Justin and Trisha sharing meals and a full day of conversation and coaching. OneDays are designed to be highly relational, brutally honest and emotionally raw. This is a chance for the pastor and their spouse to spend an entire day unloading any and all marital, moral or personal problems with no fear of being judged or fired. The goal of these one day sessions is to walk along side of the pastor and spouse to restore hope and renew their relationship.
